Hey you, ya little cutie.
First up, you’re not as fat as you think you are – but stop eating meat because it’s pretty grim when you think about it. Binging is a shitty thing to do, as is purging, it’ll wreck your throat and make you feel like poo. Don’t go on those stupid little diets, you’re friggin 14 and have the rest of your life to worry about that kinda thing. Just enjoy doing trampolining in a few years time and don’t give up running nor cake.
Talking about running, those ‘asthma attacks’ aren’t related to asthma at all – hence why your inhalers do nada. What you’re experiencing are panic attacks. They are real scary but eventually you’ll be able to cope with them without thinking you’re going to die. The doctor means well, but evidently doesn’t know shit. You’ll have a lot more experience with shitty diagnoses in the future, and an ongoing battle with services, just chill and be kind because they’re human too.
Life will get really hard for you soon, and I don’t mean taking your GCSEs at 14. Your whole world will be flipped on its head and you’ll feel like it will never get better, and it won’t until you turn 22 – it will still be hard then. That’s a lot of torment for a little person, but you’re so strong, you have to deal with it. More than that, you CAN deal with it.
Repeatedly, your life will take horrific twists and turns that you couldn’t even imagine – they don’t even write this kind of thing into Eastenders. But, there will be so many moments that will make you glad to be alive and struggling through. I’m not saying you’re going to marry Alex Turner (here’s hoping), but you will get to travel to some incredible places, listen to music that you didn’t think could exist because it’s so perfect and meet people that make you feel alive.
Continue to practise makeup, it’ll become a huge part of your life. Dream Matte Mousse is the devil’s work though and will make your skin look like POO. Invest in some higher end stuff – Mummy will understand that you need a confidence boost, especially in those pragmatic teenage years. Also, too much blush is not attractive, make sure you’re wearing the right shade of foundation and those clumpy lashes that everyone around you have, well they look disgusting, don’t feel bad that you can’t get yours as clumpy as theirs.
Practise your writing and photography for FUN as much as possible. I know it’s hard to find any free time with school and home life but you’ll thank me later. They are two of your greatest pleasures in life. You don’t need anyone else to enjoy them either, and through them, you learn to love, soothe and care for yourself.
Cherish those you love. Your family, friends, even future boyfriends. God knows, you’ll be so thankful for them later. They’ll keep you sane when you think your mind has completely gone – which you will think time and time again. Live in the moment with them, enjoy them. Go to those parties, those meals, those memories that will always stay with you. You deserve them.
On to the most important thing to you right now, boys. Most of them are a pile of shit, life isn’t like The Notebook nor Cinderella. You’ll get really bloody hurt – physically and emotionally – and you’ll be sobbing on the floor for months, feeling like a piece of you is missing. But these experiences will help you to grow and change. Intimacy is bloody fantastic. Don’t take any shit off anyone. Don’t chase, because chances are you care more about them than they ever will for you. Know when to say it isn’t working out anymore. Be honest. Don’t be blinded because they’re probably a lil scumbag. Don’t be worried about finding ‘the one’ because you’re 14 and it’s a concept created to scare you into social norms. Trust is to be earned, don’t be throwing that around for free as you’ll get walked all over.
Finally, chat about your friggin mental health. Help is actually out there, and people actually go through the same thing – it’s not as foreign as you think it is!! There’s no point in trying to end your life because you’re wonderful and will go on to actually help people. Appreciate yourself through every moment of your life because ‘if you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?’
You’ll make it through, you can do it, I love you so much.
Megan (aged 22 and 6 months) xxxx
P.S. Actually text your mum that you’re staying out to stop her worrying, you little rebel.
P.P.S. Stop dropping your phone down the toilet, because that’s an absolute bugger.