A Letter To My Future Lover

Hello,

You alright? Had an alright day? Best to get the formalities out the way before I continue.

It’s Valentine’s Day and it’s the first time I’ve been single on it for quite a while. I’m not too fussy on chocolates and flowers die eventually, so maybe just get me something I can keep and that I like. Like a cat. I don’t even care for a card, just speak how you feel in whatever form you want to. Whatever you do, please don’t do a big grand gesture, because this is a relationship, not a show.

Anyway, hi, I’m Megan, well past Megan to you now I guess. I’ve been hurt badly in the past, so pretty please don’t go breaking my lil fragile heart, just be a decent person to me. If you treat me well, I’ll do the same in return. Pretty simple, really. But if I like (maybe even love?!?) you, you must be cool enough.

I’ve beat myself up (not physically) since I can remember, degrading every aspect from looks and weight to personality, so if I do this around you, I’m not fishing for compliments, I’m just so used to disliking myself. However, I am slowly changing this attitude – it may creep in at times of course – but I’m not looking for you to shower me with praises as it’s a personal journey – although you should worship the ground I walk on, duh. Also, I’m pretty weird, but I like it, normal people are boring.

Having BPD, I’ve learnt to be extremely sensitive to other people’s emotions, as well as my own – which is not a bad thing at all. Don’t believe the crap on the internet please, I’m still me and I’m constantly learning. I don’t worry about people abandoning me, obviously it’s not nice, but if you wanna go, you do you, I’m not going to stop you. My mental illness doesn’t define me, but it is a part of me, like a third wheel in our relationship. If anything, I’m learning to use my mental illness to my advantage, lucky you to have found me now (rather than say when I was 18, learning curves).

I’ll make you really irritated and I’m certain that you’ll question why you’re with me at least once a day. You’ll get annoyed with the fact I always change songs before they’ve finished and that I watch far too much Netflix (don’t worry, you’ll love watching OITNB for the tenth time, too). I’ll definitely write you some poetry and letters and never ever show you them. But you can be certain that I will love you more than I’ll ever let on.

OH and I’ll probably talk your ear off.

Anyway, love ya, thank you for having me whoever you are,

Megan x

P.S. Good luck with me, you’ll need it.

P.P.S. If I’m destined to be a cat lady, then I’ll show it to you, Mog, you lucky lil cat.

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