I’ve been away from blogging/barely blogging for quite a while now. Since moving to Brighton, I’ve had Quinsy (an abscess in your throat that can be life threatening) three times – to the point of overnight hospitalisation on two occasions, as well as many trips to A&E with a needle stuck in my throat to remove the pus – gross. On top of this, I’ve also been diagnosed with Postural Tachycardia Syndrome (a condition affecting the nervous system meaning that my heart rate is constantly high, even more so when I move from sitting to standing, whilst my blood pressure is very low) and am currently getting tested for Epilepsy (a condition which causes seizures, of which I’ve had four major seizures since the week before Christmas). So, as you can probably see, it’s been a disgusting three months.
More importantly, as my physical health has deteriorated, my mental health has too. I’ve been so ill for so long with my mental health (main diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder with Depression, Anxiety, Eating Disorders, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and the occasional Psychosis for good measure) that to be diagnosed with life long physically limiting conditions has really affected me. If you’ve read previous posts (namely A Guide To… Pulling Yourself Out The Worst or The Path To Recovery) you may have seen that in the middle of last year I was pretty much in recovery and couldn’t imagine being as ill as I was before. However, these diagnoses have almost kickstarted the past mental illnesses back into full swing. I mean, it feels like one step forward last summer and about five back.
From what I’ve written so far, you may think it’s all gloom and doom in my body and my mind. However, having the best doctors at Royal Sussex County Hospital for my physical health has pushed me to go to the GP and ask for help for my mental health, which is a step I’ve never taken before. Previously, I have been forced into Community Mental Health teams due to suicide attempts, yet just a few weeks ago I made an appointment and have voluntarily been placed under the care of Brighton and Hove Wellbeing Centre due to being exceptionally vulnerable at the moment. This is made even worse due to starting to take the antiepilespy drug Lamotrigine for my Epilepsy (also a mood stabiliser used for Bipolar Disorder).
Despite not being very strong in body or mind right now, and possibly for the rest of my life, I feel like if I can get through the next few months then I can probably conquer the world!
**If you or your loved one’s condition is critical, suicidal, or just very worrying, please call 999. You can also contact the Samaritans on 116 123 – 24 hours a day or Mind‘s infoline on 0300 123 3393 (Mon-Fri 9am-6pm)**